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Your Adoption Party

Some people will take any opportunity to throw a party. While the parties of your adult years may not be as rabble rousing and wild as they were when you wre in high school or college, the idea is still to celebrate life. And the best time to throw a party is right after you adopt a new baby. There is just nothing in this world that is quite as awesome and energizing as helping a new baby to grow up in an environment in which it will be given an endless supply of love and caring. There are a lot of babies out there who have no natural parents available, so you should feel pretty proud of yourself for adopting one and giving him or her what it deserves to have.

This is the best reason ever for you to throw a party. You can invite everybody you care about, and show them how well you are doing. True, it is something of a bragging festival, but you deserve to do a little bit of bragging about your new bundle of joy. Every good parent is extremely proud of their child, especially when they are a baby and are flush with potential. So your party should be a pretty rousing time. But of course, you have to make it as special as you possibly can.

There is a big difference between a party with a baby in it and a party where there are just adults. A lot of the fun of having a baby of your very own is dressing them up in goofy little baby costumes, and then allowing your friends and family to have a good laugh while you snap pictures that are going to embarrass your child when it grows up. It is a completely innocent little experience, and a fun rite of passage as you begin your journey into parenting. Besides, they are going to make you pay for it later.

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Genetic Traits in Adopted Children

There’s always and element of mystery when adopting a child. Although some traits are easy to see, such as hair and eye color, others may not reveal themselves for awhile.  There are certainly genetic traits in adopted children, but not all are bad.

Research tends to focus on the negative genetic predispositions in adopted children.  Drug and alcohol abuse are big topics of discussion when it comes to studying genetics.  If an adopted child develops an addiction, it’s really easy for the adoptive parents to blame it on a birth parent.  Emotional problems and mental illnesses fall into the same category.  One of the big concerns is schizophrenia.  No one wants to deal with this difficult disease, and there is plenty of evidence that it can come from a birth parent.  However, it could also be brought on my other factors such as a dysfunctional upbringing or extreme drug abuse.

On the other hand, it’s important to look at the positive traits in adopted children.  A talent for music or art may be a genetic component.  So is intelligence.  Even if the birth parents were socially disadvantaged, it doesn’t mean that they were not genetically disposed to a very high IQ.  The difference is that the adopted child will likely have the opportunity to use that IQ in a productive manner.

Temperament is equally a genetic trait and a socialized one.  Openness and sociability are likely genetic, but agree-ability and conscientiousness are environmental.  Therefore, a naturally friendly child will be easy to guide towards good manners and people skills.

Some adoptive parents will go as far as doing genetic testing.  There are a few areas that this is necessary.  Diseases such as Huntington’s Disease need to be identified before the adopted child has children of his or her own.  In fact, having children should probably be discouraged for this individual.

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Adopting Siblings is a Big Decision

When considering adoption, a couple may want to consider adopting siblings.  Obviously, this is a big decision, but it’s one that can pay off for the new parents, and especially for the children.  So many times these brothers and sisters are removed from abusive or unacceptable living conditions, so by only adopting one child, the sibling experiences separation and loss twice.

The big advantage to adopting siblings is that the children are kept together.  Otherwise there can be some tremendous resentment and adjustment issues for the lucky child that gets a new home.  If the children are infants, that may be less of a problem, but the likelihood of neither sibling remembering the situation is a little slim.  Children deserve to have a blood family. If the parents have proven to be unacceptable, then brothers and sisters are all that is left.  For the adoptive parents, the siblings bring double the love, a built in playmate situation, and stability to each other.

Certainly, there are disadvantages to adopting siblings.  Expenses will be twice as much as only bringing home one child.  Twice the space will be needed for beds, clothes, toys and playing space.  The children may suffer from developmental issues, so that will be double the work on the new parents.  Also, one sibling may remember abuse more than the other, so emotional issues might be a problem, too.  Breaking bad habits will be double the work.

With all things in mind, and clearly recognizing that adopting siblings is a big decision, the well prepared couple should decide to do it.  The contribution to young lives and society as a whole will be deeply valued by those who work to keep children safe and cared for. The children may not be able to express their gratitude while they are young, but the impact won’t be lost on them as adults.

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Picking the Right Chinese Adoption Agency

Adopting a baby from China is a long and expensive process that will require some professional help to get it done as efficiently as possible.  Picking the right Chinese adoption agency can make all the difference in the world.  There are a few things to keep in mind when picking an agency to help you adopt your child.

Prior to 1990, Chinese adoptions were fairly rare in the United States.  The trend really took off around 1993, and most agencies were established by 1995.  Any agency that was started after that is a little behind, so you may want to avoid those.  Go with the agencies that have had years of experience and time to really learn the Chinese system.

Don’t pick an agency that has done fewer than 20 Chinese adoptions.  Once again, experience is everything, and you want someone representing your adoption that really knows how to do it and will make the process as smooth and easy as possible for you.  There are multiple regulations and procedures that have to be done in a particular way in order for a baby to leave China. The best agency will do all of this for you or at least guide you through the parts you have to do yourself.  If you can find a local agency that has processed many adoptions, that’s best because you’ll get a blend of personal attention with expertise.  However, it could be that the most qualified national agency is not nearby, and you may have to settle with never actually meeting your representative.

If the agency is not registered with The China Center of Adoption Affairs, the Chinese will not work with them.  This is a crucial component to picking the right Chinese adoption agency.  This organization has a list of agencies approved by them on their website.

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Issues in Mixed Race Adoptions

Race is an issue whether we want to believe it or not.  We like to think we’ve moved beyond this problem, but the truth is we never will.  In a time when there are more children who need to be adopted than people to adopt them, mixed race adoptions are a reality.  Not everyone picks a child of another race because they have no choice.  People pick the child they pick because that’s the baby they bond with.

Although color is not an issue for the adopting family, it is an issue that will inevitably cause some unwanted problems.  Some people believe that a child who is adopted into a different race from its own will never know its heritage.  A diligent and loving family will work to make sure that doesn’t happen.  They can learn about that culture together.  Also making sure the child has positive role models and friends in his or her race is important.

Racist remarks and acts are going to happen to both the child and the adoptive parents.  It can’t be avoided because we can’t get rid of morons.  Stupid people will say stupid things, but a strong family unit will handle it just fine.  These terrible instances are an opportunity for the family to strengthen together.   The child may be excluded from his own race because his parents are of a different background.  Some work will have to be done to insure these possible friends that the child is not to blame for the mixed race adoption.

With rejection comes identity issues.  If there is a color difference it can make a the child feel as if he or she is in limbo.  The new parents should work to lift up the child in every manner possible to make the mixed race adoption a secondary priority in the child’s life.  The child should be encouraged to self identify in the way the makes him or her feel best.

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Steps to Adopting a Chinese Baby

We’ve all heard the exciting and wonderful stories of parents going to China and bringing home a wonderful little baby.  What we aren’t familiar with are all the steps to adopting a Chinese baby that are involved. Get ready to spend a lot of time, money and attention to detail if you choose to go this route for adoption.  Also know that all the preparedness in the world won’t get you exactly the child you envisioned.  These children are matched as closely as possible with the new parents based on when they become available.

The first step to adopting a Chinese baby is to find an experienced adoption agency that has performed many Chinese adoptions over more than fifteen years.  The Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs only accepts certain agencies to perform the adoptions, so make sure whoever you pick complies.

You will have to complete a home study where a designated social worker will come to your home several times and make sure you and your home are suitable for an adoption.  You will have to give financial information, criminal background checks, and other personal history before being considered to adopt from China.

You will have to complete adoption paperwork and wait for a referral.  Once that happens you will need to travel to China for about two weeks where you’ll do more detailed paperwork before meeting your baby.  Once you have your child, you have to get a health exam for the little one from a qualified clinic.  If all goes well, you will then have to get papers for your child to leave for the United States.  Once home, citizenship must be established for the child.

Even though you’re home and on your want to build your family, a CCAA social worker will visit again to make sure that you and the child are adjusting appropriately and that all is good and safe.  This happens at the six and twelve month marks.

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Future Risks for Adopted Children

Adopting a new baby is such an exciting time as the new parents look forward to the future successes of their new child.  However, future risks for adopted children can pose uncertainty that can make the child’s later years a struggle.  Whether it’s genetic health issues like heart disease or mental illness or addiction, if the adopted parents are unaware, it can mean some really tough times for everyone involved.

Often times, the information about the adopted child’s natural parents is readily available, so the new family can be prepared for possible problems.  If the child is coming from a foreign country, that may not be the case.  In that case, it will take an astute set of eyes and ears to recognize the beginnings of problems that can harm a child in later years.

If a child comes from addicts, there is a good possibility addiction and even mental illness could be lurking.  A moody and dramatic adolescent could be the early signs of problems creeping in.  Talk to your children.  Make sure you know who their friends are and what they’re doing when you’re not around.  It’s important that the adopted child feels safe talking openly with his or her adopted parents.  Hopefully, they’ll be able to offer clues to any problems that can be headed off early on.

If genetic health problems like heart disease or cancer are known in the child’s natural past, it’s important to help the child live a lifestyle that is based on prevention.  A child with known heart or diabetes history needs to have a heart healthy and proper diet from the very beginning.  They should never know any other way to eat.  Cancer screenings need to be encouraged as they come into the age of being susceptible.  If the baby’s lineage is unknown, then it’s a good idea to raise the child with prevention in mind.

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Adopted Children and Addiction: How You Can Help

If you’ve adopted a child at any point in your life, you know that you did it out of love and that you only want the best for that child – just like you would with biological children. When you adopted child grows up and develops an addiction problem, you may feel as though there’s nothing you can do – but that’s not the case. Encourage your child to seek help, not just for himself or herself, but for the rest of the family, who cares and wants to see things get better. If you don’t do that, you may end up feeling like you didn’t do enough to help your child find a way to get well, and that could end up weighing heavily on you.

You should also be careful not to blame yourself for your adopted child’s addiction. Even if you adopted him or her as a tiny baby, you don’t know what the genetics were really like. You also don’t know how he or she might truly feel about being adopted. There could be mental health issues that stem from a feeling of abandonment based on the biological parents. If you adopted your child when he or she was a little bit older, there could also be bad memories of abuse or other problems that you don’t really know that much about.

Rather than continue to fret, help your adopted child find a rehab center that will cater to his or her needs and that will be the right fit so that your child can get well. Visiting TheCyn.com can help you do that. Most importantly, don’t give up. It’s important that your child has someone in his or her corner while fighting this battle – especially if there are already feelings of abandonment from past experience or perceptions of why he or she was given up for adoption.

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Issues When Adopting Abused Teenagers

Often times, it may be a teenager that a couple chooses to adopt.  Maybe the child had been a foster in their home, and they want to make the relationship permanent.  Maybe there’s a particular circumstance that really rings true with the new parents. The teen has likely suffered some kind of abuse.  It doesn’t really matter.  Older kids need good, loving homes, too.  There are definitely issues when adopting abused teenagers that will be very different than those for smaller children.

The first thing to remember is that that teenagers have had a much longer time to learn to cope on their own.  The coping skills will probably not be so good.  Also, they’ve been alive long enough to suffer more abuse.  Sometimes the damage in these older kids is nearly impossible to overcome, so the new adoptive parents have to be emotionally equipped for a whole new set up trying circumstances.

If the child has been sexually abused, it’s not unusual for her to make sexual passes at her new father.  It’s the only way she knows how to relate to an older man.  The abused teenager may also pit the mother and father against one another through lies and manipulation.  If the couple is communicating openly, they’ll see these ploys for what they are, and they can address them with their new child in a unified way.

Drugs an alcohol may be a problem that pops up with older kids.  If they have not had proper supervision, or if they come from a family with a history of drug and alcohol abuse, they may bring a similar challenge into their new household.

There may be anger and outbursts as well as depression and destructive behaviors.  The stable, loving presence of the new home will help these problems lessen.  If the issues don’t resolve seek professional help.

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Food Issues With Adopted Children

So many adopted children have been malnourished in one way or another.  Food is not a “given” for them.  Therefore, there will be food issues with adopted children.  Be aware of the different possibilities that the child has lived with before coming to your home.  Understanding and patience will help the child feel secure and safe where eating is concerned.

Many children may have oral aversions from being force fed.  They may have come from an institution that did everything on a time basis.  The staff won’t take time to let a child eat on its own body rhythm.  Some also have sensory deprivation.  They don’t really get to see and smell food.  It has no real joy for the child.  It will take time to reverse this food issue, but it will happen, and the adopted child will grow in a healthy way.

Babies may not be used to being held when they’re fed.  Their only feeding experience may have been a bottle propped up for them.  Therefore, holding the child to feed it may scare it at first.  The adoptive mother has to get used to letting the child play and be alone while the child has to get used to the mother holding it.

These children have no idea about how much time or effort goes into preparing food because it just appears from somewhere and is fed to them.  They may be very demanding when they get hungry.  They also don’t understand family style serving or going to a grocery store to select food.  It’s all new and will take some adjustment as food issues develop into food security.

An adopted child might gorge himself or overeat because he’s never had food freely available.  He may get fixated on a certain food he’s never experienced.  Don’t worry too much about it.  The newness will wear off and normal portions will take over. Typically, food issues resolve into a happy, healthy child.

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