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Giving Your Child Everything

Giving your child everything he/she wants may sound exciting at the outset, especially if you’re making up for those things you never had, but it’s never a good idea. Even when parents have enough money to spend on their child, it’s never helpful to provide your child with everything he/she wants.

Some parents, whether they can afford to or not, give their children all the toys, trips and cars that they ask for. This is also true of some parents who have adopted a child and the child has grown up with little or nothing. The problem is that a reasonable list of demands has a way of growing larger and more expensive the older the child gets. More importantly, giving your child everything breeds selfishness and a lack of desire in your child to work for what he/she wants or needs.

As your child grows, an expensive education at the most prestigious school may be in order, but a second look might also be worth considering. Many schools provide excellent learning for students, whether your choice is a close-by university, a community college or an online college that provides online courses right within the comfort of your own home. Allowing your child to attend the most prestigious school when it is not the best choice for you financially or for your child emotionally, is never a good idea.

Giving your child everything he/she wants is really about you as the parent and less about your child. Beginning when your child is young, hold back and allow your child to work for some of what he/she wants. He/She will thank you later.

Filed Under: Adoption Process, Emotional Stress Tagged With: , ,

How Do You Know You’re Ready to Adopt?

Have you been struggling to get pregnant and are ready to try a completely different approach to bringing children into your family? Do you feel that this may be the time to expand your family through adoption? Do you feel inspired by the constant family ads and commercials in direct star tv and other media outlets? Obviously, this is a decision that you can make only after serious thought and discussion with family and trusted friends. After all, you are making a decision that will change your life and the life of a child forever.

WINDSOR, CANADA - JANUARY 18: A Chrysler Mini...

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Are you ready to trade your motorcycle for a mini van, and your high heels for doll shoes? There are ways to figure it out if you aren’t quite sure. For one thing, you need to know that you’re good with kids. You need to know that parenting a child goes well beyond fun and games. How do you work with children when times are difficult? In the case of international adoption, are you prepared to educate yourself on how to parent a child who has been living in an institution such as an orphanage?

 

Besides being committed to the process and developing yourself as a parent-to-be, adoption also requires you to be on solid financial ground. Are you ready to cover the expenses related to adopting a child and then support the child once you bring him or her home?

Talk to couples who have adopted children. Ask them how they knew they were ready to move forward with an adoption. Join a group for adoptive families so you will have a support network ready when you do make the decision to adopt.

Filed Under: Adoption, Adoption Process Tagged With: , ,

The Emotional Adjustments That Come With Adoption

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Adoption is a time of joy and trepidation for all of the parties involved. The adopting family has to deal with excitement and potential disappointment, and the parent that is giving up their child has to deal with sorrow and guilt. It is most definitely not an easy time for all who are involved in the process.

The emotions begin the moment the birth parent(s) decide to put the child up for adoption. A majority of the time, adoptions are done for a number of reasons, but the main thrust is that the birth parent(s) know that they cannot properly provide for their child. It is a hard path to walk for them as they deal with the instinct to keep their child in the face of overwhelming odds. They are also going to be dealing with their guilt for not being able to raise the child as they should, and giving it up.

Adoptive parents are thrilled when they hear the news that they are going to be able to adopt a child of their dreams. But they too will go through an emotional process that is fraught with tension. It begins when the birth parent(s) make the move to put their child up for adoption. If there is any uncertainty with the giving up of the child, the adoptive parents start dealing with a roller coaster of emotions. The roller coaster stops when the paperwork is finalized, and the birth parent(s) have waived all legal rights to their child.

Adoption is a happy and sad time for all involved, but it is doing what is right for the child that is most important.

Filed Under: Emotional Stress, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Support and Security: Adoption

A social network diagram

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Affection isn’t to be hoarded. Love isn’t to be tucked away. Emotions are instead to be offered; and you find yourself overwhelmed with the need to give them to a child. Adoption therefore is deemed noble — but even nobility can cause concern.

New parents must be aware of the confusion that can arise during (and after) the adoption process. The best of intentions can be undone by stress, and it becomes essential to find relief:

Online Forums

Convenience defines your days. Information must be earned quickly; statistics must be memorized. There’s no time to spare for hesitation — you’re instead seeking immediacy. Online forums provide this. These message boards allow you to stay in constant contact with individuals like yourself: parents with adopted children and far too many questions. Answers can be traded without delay, offering comfort for the initial days.

Family Organizations

Introducing a child to a new environment is challenging. There are countless concerns to address (from purchasing Nike Athletic Clothing to offering elements of a heritage). You must be certain therefore to provide aid. Find family groups. These organizations allow parents and their children to meet: participating in activities and forming lasting friendships.

Social Networks

Adoption is a complicated thing: shaped to forms, commitments and scrutiny. The days are many and the conversations are endless. Such conversations eventually create connections, however. Social workers — coordinators, counselors and legal advisors — try to help you bring a child home; and these individuals can become a secondary support system. Even after the process is complete you should remember who made it a reality.

Use these resources and tame all worries.

Filed Under: Adoption, Adoption Process Tagged With: , ,

Preparing to Tell a Child, “You Were Adopted”

Children in Jerusalem.

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Recently, child psychologists suggested that the ideal time for adoptive parents to tell their child they adopted them, is not as early as possible, as once thought. They now say that the best time is at the age where the child is able to understand the term adopted, which is at the youngest, seven years old.

Adopted children at this age do not only understand the word, they are also able to ask questions about the process of adoption. They might ask how their parents chose them and why. They may ask questions about their biological parents. If the child and the adoptive parents have already gained each other’s trust, and both are confident in the love and affection felt between them, this will go smoother than most adoptive parents think.

The most important thing to remember when taking to an adopted child is to be honest and open about the entire subject. Adoptive parents run the risk of the child finding out something later on in their life that their adoptive parents kept from them.

Adoptive parents may be eager to tell their child that they chose them because they were special or possessed abilities other children did not. Many children by the age of seven or eight have the extraordinary ability to sense when a parent is overdoing it. Overstating the reasons for adoption might cause the child to imagine things that simply are not true.

Adoptive parents know they love the child as their own, and by this age, the child knows it too. The best-case scenario for adoptive parents and adopted children is total honesty.

Filed Under: Adoption Process, Emotional Stress Tagged With: , , ,

Decorating for an Adopted Child

If you are preparing your home for adopted children, you may not know what you need to buy and what they will come prepared with. This can be a very crazy and confusion time so you are certainly going to want to have things prepared for them, but you also want your new child to have input as to what their new home and room will be like.

The best thing you can do is to make sure you have all the necessities but keep some of the major decisions unmade so that your new child can help and feel like they have a part in the decision making process.

For example, you want to make sure you have a bed and somewhere for your child to put their clothes, but you may hold off on choosing the linens and wallpaper for their new room. These are both very personal decorating decisions that your child would likely want to help make.

Many children who have spent time in foster homes or group homes may not have ever had the opportunity to help choose their own decorations and belongings so this may be exciting but it could be overwhelming. If your new child doesn’t seem interested in the process, you may want to go ahead and furnish their room in basic colors and designs, and maybe later on when they are more comfortable they will want to help choose posters or other things to further personalize their living space.

No matter what you choose to do, you will certainly want to put lots of time and care in to the decorating of your new child’s space. They will truly feel wanted and understand that this is the place they are meant to live if you do this.

Filed Under: Adoption, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Families with Natural and Adopted Children

If you are the parent of adopted children as well as natural children, you will face some unique struggles that other parents will not. There can be problems that arise that can make parenting especially difficult. The main thing is to remain patient and calm and your family will be able to work through these struggles without any major problems.

One issue that will likely come up is resentment between your natural children and your adopted children. The resentment can go both ways, with each type of children feeling resentment for different reasons.

The adopted children will likely feel some sort of lingering worry that you love your natural children more than you love them. This is a very common feeling among adopted children, and completely understandable. You just need to take every opportunity to show and tell all of your children how much you love them and how important they are to you.

Your natural children may feel like the adopted children get more attention or maybe that they are loved more because they were “chosen.”  This is also a common and understandable response. You may have to give your adopted children more of your time because of emotional or physical struggles they face, but make sure your other children understand why this happens.

Having a family of mixed adopted and natural children is an exciting way of life and one that will provide new challenges every day. If your family needs some additional support, don’t be afraid to enlist the help of a therapist or psychologist. When your family faces additional stresses it is not uncommon to need this type of support and help from someone who has seen these struggles before and knows about solutions that may work.

Filed Under: Adoption, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Determining History of Adopted Children

If you are considering adopting an older child, there are many things you need to be aware of. You should work with the adoption agency, or the state department to find out all the information you can about the child before you wind up adopting.

One of the most important things is the child’s medical history. You want to know what sort of medical problems they face, and what medications they take on a regular basis so that you can be prepared for any issues related to their health.

If the child is diabetic, suffers seizures or asthma there are going to be additional doctors visits and medication that must be administered. Hopefully you will be able to handle these medical issues with no problems, but it is much better to be prepared so you don’t run into any problems once the child is living with you.

Other important things you need to know have to do with the child’s school peformance and strengths and weaknesses. If the child struggles in school you need to be prepared to put extra time out helping them at home and you may consider signing them up for tutoring or special help at the school. School can be a major struggle for many adopted children because they have changed schools so many times.

The final thing you want to be aware of is your new child’s emotional health and history. If the child has been abused or lived in many homes or group homes, they will likely face some emotional problems that are going to require additional help and support from you and your family. Some children may need therapy or to spend time with a psychologist if they face especially major emotional hurdles.

No matter what their history is like, you will be able to provide these children with a happy, healthy home if you are willing to give time, love and patience. Hopefully these children will now be in their forever home with a family that loves them.

Filed Under: Adoption, Adoption Process Tagged With: , ,

Emotional Needs of Adopted Children

Children who have been adopted have some special emotional needs that other children would not have to face. If you are the parent of an adopted child or children you need to be prepared to deal with the special emotional needs of these children.

One problem that you will see with many adopted children is a fear of abandonement. This is more common in children that are adopted an an older age. When they feel this fear of abandoment it is up to you to help them realize that they are finally in their forever home. You want to make them feel like they are just as important to the family as any other family member. This will take time, but with care it will happen.

Another problem that many adopted children have is fear of losing their posssessions. This is because they may have had to leave their belongings behind over the years if they bounced from one foster home to another. You can help them with these feelings by always respecting their possessions and giving them a safe place to keep and store their items. Having their own bedroom will likely help with this.

Your adopted children may face some more serious emotional problems if they have been abused or neglected. If this is the case you may want to allow your children to spend time with a therapist or psychologist. This will help them work through any ongoing problems they have, befor they turn into lifelong issues.

It doesn’t matter what their past was like, it is up to you to make these children’s future bright. You have taken a great first step by adopting a child, make sure you follow through and help them through any problems that occur. Your family will eventually come together and hopefully everyone will be comfortable with each other. The emotional needs will fade over time as your children become more stable in their new home.

Filed Under: Adoption, Emotional Stress Tagged With: ,

Controlling Temper for Children

The job title of parent is both the hardest and best you will ever experience. It is the one job where you can be certain that you will experience something new every day. As a parent, you are a teacher and life coach, a chef and chauffer, a doctor and entertainer. For the first few years of your child’s life, you will be the center of their universe.

However, once your child gets a bit older and independent, your job can be heartbreaking. The first time your child says you are mean, or says they hate you will likely bring you to tears. The most important thing to remember is that your child does not truly hate you or resent you. Your child is simply expressing anger in a very unrefined way.

When your child becomes angry with you, you must follow their lead to help them get over this. Some children need time alone to get over their anger; some children need hugs and reassurance. Your child will show you through their actions how you can best help them when they are upset. The most important thing you can do is to remain perfectly calm, no matter how angry you feel. Express your feelings to your child in a calm and steady manner so they can learn from your example.

If you have a bad temper, you need to find ways to control it so that you can be a positive role model for your children. I face this problem myself, but I can normally step back, and hold it in while I am dealing with my kids. If I need to work through my anger later, I do it in a controlled manner where I do not have to worry about being a bad example for my kids.

Teach your children coping mechanisms for their anger and bad temper too. They may want to work it out through exercise or yelling in a controlled environment. My daughter likes to jump on the trampoline when she gets angry, I think this is a very healthy way of expressing anger.

Filed Under: Emotional Stress, Parenting Tagged With: ,
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